I don't have a bull's eye

Lying in the bed on a sunday afternoon, having already done with movie in a theater, movie in laptop, enough FB, bored with a book, game of badminton, lunch and dinner with friends. Cannot think of something that I could do. All in a sudden I got a thought, "if i got nothing to do, why am i living".

That thought is a typical of mental instability of a mind taught to think in western culture. By "western culture", here I refer to questioning anything and everything. "why should i do this", "what is wrong with that". And the self had to be convinced to do or no to do anything and everything.

Indian culture on other hand stereotyped the life. We are assigned with expectation at every stage of of our life. As kid do study well, then get married, then do a good job to earn money, at last take care of your family. There is no room for questions here. We are trained enough that don't even know why should we even question this. There is nothing wrong in this culture, it keeps one busy feeding us, with enough challenge, fun, pain, happiness and most importantly a relation at any given point in time.

As a kid though I didn't liked most part of the education I forced myself to get through it with decent score, as it was projected to me that it is the only way life is supposed to be. Now me having stepped out of my home town, seen different people, I'm evolved to question and even stepped out of various aspects of the Indian culture's "stereotype". In the same time having my mind trained in that culture for about a quarter century, so that it feels disturbed about uncertainties, I'm immensely fearful about stepping out of the culture entirely.

In the current stage, i'm just doing things the makes me happy for that moment, without any long term goal or plan. In Indian culture this can be termed as being irresponsible (like my granny calls me).