She loved me, I killed her

The police officer took the knife carefully from my hands, with which I severed her throat, stained with her blood. As my hands were braced with lock and walked out of her home, her mom came running behind me thudding me at my back though it was very mild for me it was with her maximum strength. I could still hear her mother’s cry even after the police vehicle into which I was lodged passed a street away from her home.

I pushed my temples between the palms of my hands whose elbows were rested over the laps. As on the road, away from her family’s cry and crush from the press, I got a moment to slip my mind to yesterday’s night when I got that call from her.

Unusual from her jovial tone, I heard her so anxious and it had a weird openness, fear and urgency. She, ”could you come down here, everyone at home away tonight, I need you around”. Though the sentence sound romantic literally it was uttered with a voice that was shocked and that needed a moral backing.

As I stepped into her house, she came running to me and hugged me tightly burring her head into my chest. As I could hear her weeping, I let her to lose heavy heart. It was so pathetic to look at her like this, she was one of a confidence I’d in my life. During college days though she make fun at me in group, when I show anxiety during eleventh hours of exams, placement and their results, every time she make sure she manages a private moment of holding my hand, with a brief nod of head and cheerful words giving me loads of strength.

As she calmed down, when I was about to ask her about the horror I sensed, she stopped me pleading, “dear don’t ask me anything tonight, I had enough for the day”. In spite of the toughness attached to her request, the genuineness in her body language made me oblige.

Sitting over the kitchen’s slab, watching a women, who love me, cooking with us alone speaks their heart, be it my mother or sister, and now it is her. I was doing a fixed gaze on floor, she called me by name graciously and said, “I know you always loved me and you know, I loved you from the very first moment. But my family is too conventional to understand these, held me back”. Taking few minutes to take that in, as she was facing the stove busied cooking, I walked to her back, held her both forearms softly, rested my chin on her shoulder eyes closed, with a warm smile she ruffled my hairs and said, “cheer up dear”.

After the delicious food, I took her to bed. Exhausted after hours in bed, we were calmly lying with my arms around her, she pillowing my chest for her cheeks. Breaking the silence she asked, ”would you tolerate if someone harms our kid”, after a pause she told “you should kill them”. She asking this, an old incident came to my mind. Once when I was worriedly talking to her about a girl who ditched me, because I run into an accident with the girl in my back seat, she laughed at me and told, “of course, first thing a girl expects in a relation with a guy is guaranty of her safety”. Having that in mind I told “Sure,” and continued “it got a long way, first we have to get married and then give birth to beautiful kids you worried for and then lets worry about those odds”. For which she replied, “I fear our marriage would never happen” and hugged me tightly. As was about interrupt her, calling out my name with a compassion she continued “just for tonight, don’t ask me anything”. With that we slept.

Morning, I slipped out of bed with a intolerable feel that she would not be a part of my life anymore. Having a day worth living, I went for the knife in the kitchen, I did not had enough strength to bear the pain of knife across my nerves, but idea of being convicted and sentenced sounded more lite for me, though I didn’t know how realistic the idea would be. Moreover my mind was not in a state to work out the logics behind. Making up my mind, I walked straight into the bedroom, and severed her throat as she was lying in bed unaware of what I was up to.

A sudden break of the police vehicle brought me back to the present. I dug my hands into the pants pocket and took out that note I treasured there, and read it again, as it goes like this, “dear, I ran down a infant to death last evening in a dark street who unexpectedly eloped from her mother’s hand. It happened so quick that I could break my scooter. Though I got out from there unnoticed, I cannot live with it. I’m poisoning myself. Thanks dear for your time with me, you completed my life”. The note clutched in her dead hand when I woke up in the morning.

Cheers J

Deepak

catch my thoughts @

do, do, do reply me. My first attempt with a tragedy. Biting my nails to hear back.

i'm alive yet, because...

6.13 AM, 5^th September, Saturday.

The car started moving back, none was in the car except me laying in the back seat hanging in the sleepy yellow line state between dream and reality. Comprehending that the car was moving back in a mysterious way, as I tried to sit-up in a sleepy rushed moment, I ended falling in the legroom between the seats. In spite of the stink, of probably a week long unwashed socks left around there, was poking my nose the dizziness of a sleep deprived night and a considerable hit I got in my head on falling, left me tired enough is rest there itself, forgetting the situation around.

2.30 PM, 4th September, Friday.(previous day afternoon)

After a heavy meal, I was about to catch my post-lunch office nap in my seat, by then my teammate came around and told “the cab will come by 10’o clock to pick us. Is that fine for you?”. Of which I’m not sure how much went into my mind as the sleep invaded it’s consciousness. Just then suddenly realizing that I slept for a moment, to make up and to make a fake proof of my steadiness, I started shaking my legs (amplitude bit above the normal) and drumming my fingers in the keyboard I told “fine with the cab, but when will the cab driver come”. Oops, that try to act extra smart made me the pray for my team’s laughter that whole afternoon.

11 PM, 4th September, Friday.(previous day night)

Would anyone curse “the road that is smooth and well laid“ on a night long ride? Ironically I did. At least the jerks that a bumpy road would bring in would have kept the driver awake.

With two of my teammates sleeping in the back seat, I was sitting in the front seat companying the driver in his night drive. Once we reached the highway past the city, just to strike a casual converse I asked the driver “when will we reach Chennai?”, while my eyes were gracing on the hoardings along the road. As I didn’t heard back from him on that, when I turned to him, he suddenly started shaking his legs (amplitude bit above the normal) and drumming his fingers on the steering wheels and said “I go to Chennai often”. Oops, that is when a fatal fear clutched my mind. The driver was in 2 day long trip prior, without a moment to close his eye lids, and he is still going.

1 AM, 5th September, Saturday.((previous day mid-night)

Even when I tried flirting with a strange girl, I’d had never been that much creative in keeping the conversion alive and interesting for such a long time. I managed to make the driver feel

Angry (about his uncle who supposedly cheated his father)

Proud (that he had work hard above his uncle)

Happy(that his parents are proud of their son)

And romantic (about his uncle’s daughter)

With those I managed to keep him awake. Who else would not keep the gun trigger from being pulled, sitting in its barrels end.

4 AM, 5th September, Saturday.(today early morning)

When we were about to get done with his story of unsuccessful school days, the fate fired its second weapon. It was not just the tire that got punctured but also my mild confidence that we will make the trip. Parking the car next to a lorry along the side lane, I was left to solve puzzle of “how to continue the journey when the spare tire is also punctured one”. When I woke my teammate to replace my in assisting the driver, drowsily he asked, “Where have we reached?”, for which I didn’t had a better answer other than “the Hell”

5 AM, 5th September, Saturday.(today early morning)

I took the car’s back seat, my bag pillowing me, after few moments of staring the lorry standing next which was filling all my vision’s range from my laying posture, the sleep took me. While rest of the people were figuring a way to get the tires back into action.

6.12 AM, 5th September, Saturday. ( a minute before the opening paragraph)

Roar of a starting engine, took my sleeping senses. When I opened my eyes, the scene on my vision changed from, bonnet of the lorry to front wheels and driver cabin, then to trailer body, then to the lorry rear wheel and at last no lorry but it was the trees on the road side, which my sleepless tired mind comprehended as the car moving back. As you might have guessed, actually it was the lorry that started and moved.

7.30 AM, 5th September, Saturday.(now)

The flicks of the camera flashes and laughter of my team-mates woke me up, and I realized I was in between the seats.

Though this was a miserable incident, at last we had a reason to remember the trip in the cherished memories.

Cheers J

Deepak

catch my thoughts @

attempt of exaggerated depiction of a real life happening. Really unsure of how it is. Sitting with my fingers crossed to hear from you on this.

Broken Heart @ Kolkat

I wrote this to make fun of my teammate, it is written as if this happens in our office's guest house in Kolkata where we stayed.

Broken Heart @ Kolkata

"(Actor)Surya had come to our guest house", Amudha (the target, my teammate) came running into our room announcing. She was gasping for breath, unsure if it is out of excitement or running. Sitting in some remote place of Kolkata, the info is completely irrelevant. Ram said, "Amudha, I still see your head in place and I believe there is some brain left yet to be substituted with clay". I added, "Ram I expected this, I saw some nuts lying unscrewed around her place". Frustrated Amudha, "Come-on guys, see it for yourself". And in a subdued admiring voice to herself "his eyes, his style, his accent" and in a louder voice to us "Come-on".

It was a figure that for sure had escaped the cremation fire halfway. Irked with that when we turned to her with aguish questioning look, she told feebly "I forgot to add 'The Black Version'". Yet a better twist was awaiting for us in store. Like Rajini swirls his fingers before any punch dialogs, on his right "Sastralu", on left "Sambradhailu", and in mid "I'm Nagu" and with a pause, "Name you" leaving us confused. She interjected explain us "he is asking your name".

During dinner I asked, "How come you can understand him". Amudha replied cleverly, "He is also from Andra", "But, if it is telugu it makes sense, How come you understand his crap English". For that, and for the first time we realized she can bliss. When I turned to Ram, he simply told me, "Love is blind".

When Kalpana (another teammate) saw Nagu for first time, poor girl met his eyes unwarned (bulgy eyes, hazardously exaggerated by his nerdy spectacle lenses), she fell unconscious. On analyzing her doctor told, "nothing to fear, she had encountered something really scary".

On another day, when asked about his work on a casual chat over a tea, he "I rule four people (means: he got four people to work for him) , one project in shirt pocket another in pant pocket, can what I doing, (means: what can I do) manager beg (hope no more translation is required) , I go America, I go Singapore and I go now Kolkata". Listening these Amudha sat there unmoved, moved by his stature. On his heights of explanation while gesturing he struck a tea cup to fall, breaking it. Housekeeper charged him for that.

Nagu says,"Theater guy charged me 10 rupees for Broken Arrow movie"

"Housekeeper charged me for Broken Cup"

"But Amudha didn't charged me for her Broken Heart"

"I like her, her like I" , "Ha" a pause, "Ha" a pause, "Ha" a pause.

cheers,

deepak p

it’s my day

I do still remember that night

It happened all in sudden, till that moment I was safe in a warm room.

something pushed me out

I was naked! lying in the hands of some stranger, helplessly

I was not able to do anything, but comfortably cried

I don't know at that time, it will take at least 6 months to talk and another 3 more months to walk

Many were around me, but I don't recognize even a single face

On contrary, they were smiling at me..

oops, Some even rejoiced, on seeing me..worse na!…

This happened exactly two decades and tow couple of years back

Yup, as u guessed, I tried celluloiding my b'day

Girl, No one else makes me feel the way you do

She struck me directly and deep in my heart. There was no one to witness what was happening; we were alone in the lift. It was her killer eyes that struck me, the most crucifying thing that I had ever encountered.

While we were leaving the lift, there happened a close moment that my nostril caught, her fragrance, which sleeked all the way through my trachea and bronchi before mixing into my blood that got pumped throughout me by my heart, filling her in me.

There was a kind unexplainable fragility or tenderness in her that tempted me towards her. These seeded a thought in my mind that I should try making her mine.

I walked out of the lift with a additional pace, to figure out who this strange girl in the college was? As if boosting my confidence, she walked into my classroom. She was a new joinee to our class. I asked my class rep to put her in my batch for the practical classes for which he told, "Dude, competition is heavy. I myself is thinking of getting her into my batch". In a careless warning tone I told him, "I sit in NCC selection jury, and remember your father will pull nerves out of you if you don't make it this time", which comfortably set things right for me.

The next biggest task I had was to get a good idea to impress her. When" I asked my roommates, one said, "Praise her in all walks, girls fall for compliments", another guy disapproving the idea told "if you do so, they will tag you as flirt, instead,advice and occasionally scold her asking her to do things right way, creating a image that you care for her", for which another guy broke into teasing laugh and told "then they will call you Socrates or Hitler, I'll tell you what, just behave as if you are not at all interested in her, girls likes the one who don't like them", another guy stopped him saying, "Oops, that's dangerous, if it goes in other way, she will think you as dumb".

Contempt with any of these, as a final refugee I called my papa and told him everything. As a matured pal he said, "Do everything they told you, but it should be spontaneous don't cook those. Just be yourself. It is good that you got time and opportunity to show her who you are. Let her see your best and worst side, your naked face, never wear 'Mr. Nice Guy' mask, and if she is still in, no matter what, she is your girl".

Here is a virtual yet the actual extract of my lab record by the end of the year.

Title Of the Experiment:	Expedition on the life's biggest enigma
Aim:	To find if the girl likes me and find if she is the my 'one'.
Prerequisites:	No others walk into her life before I do (god help me with this)
Apparatus Required:	Enough situations to expose our good and bad to each other. Toughest guts to behave truly as me, even if it means losing her.
Observations:	She was the most lively and reasonable person, having something or other in store that kept me engaged and pleasurable. She preferred to and grabbed every opportunity to spend her time with me.
Findings:	I'll be happy and will live every moment of it if she is in my side, no matter what fate had in its mind for me. She too felt the same way
Result:	There was an untold pact between us that we will go together in our future, without following the regular procedure of telling 'I love you' with a reply of 'Me too'

cheers,

deepak p

do leme kno if i’d bored you @ any point of this story

pains are good

"I should have clicked those two girls in my mobile cam", was the very thought that struck my, just settled, mind and me, out of hurry in catching my evening office shuttle, which I would have missed in a split second.
One girl is relocating to the next city, that day, where her love lives and another is her "stick aside throughout the day pal" for a long run, so called best friend.
Moments before I started to catch my shuttle I dropped into their bay, to say a sendoff bye with a note of fun to the girl leaving that day.
I was stalled by their faces, those had tears facial. The wet traces of tears that they should have been wiped off moments before remained. The red threaded vines running across their eye balls, depicted their mood. Both the girls forced a pitiful smile into their face, to me as I stepped in.
For some reason, I didn't want to disturb the harmony of the high feeling running around the place with a fun note. With that I told, "fine, have a good journey" added with a take care and left the place. (I should have captured them in a snap, it would be memorable and funny when we look back at those defining moments)
We are put through such 'inevitable separations' as life perceives towards its destiny, and the fear of dryness or void in our life that may result without this person around us, causes a 'pain'.

This 'pain' makes us understand how precious any person in our life is.
This 'pain' makes us overcome any ego or tiny hatred or any other thing and show the true love.

I was thinking of how should I end this writing, then thought 'why should I end something which talks about never ending relations', so just three dots...

cheers,
deepak p

if it is a worthy write-up then, I'm dedicating it to all my beloved people with whom I live in separation.

Just be with me, as what, doesn't matters

It has been long

I meant to you what I felt.

Not just to let you turn me down.

No reply, replied your no to me.

On a breezy evening garden bench,

I sat down, letting eye lids to shutoff the pupil

From the site of dew drenched grass, and

Letting my thoughts to put your face instead

Shocked was I,

My mind's cache didn't backed up your face depiction!

But the charm and enthu of yours, those swept me off

were still garden fresh there!

See girl,

just with your thoughts along my side,

ended me with this writing, (good one as I perceive)

Wondering what heights I'll end up

With you, by my side.

So girl,

just be with me,

If not as a girl friend,

Better as a friend.

cheers,

deepak

Probably this is the first write-up I did with Pen and Paper. Dammed the thoughts as flooded. Do let me know how it was