Please don't send your kids to hostels

I was left in hostel from my first standard. I had spent 16 years (12 years in school and 4 years in college) in hostels. All those years I was asked to do just one thing. Focus on my studies, and don't worry about 'anything' else. I was seasoned enough to focus on what do I do, without worrying about anything else.

I got decent scores in schools and colleges, got a campus placement in acceptably a good company, worked hard, moved on to another awesome place to work (you know I could focus on my work without worrying about anything else).

So far so good. For the first time I left the country on work to London, and didn't bother to call my family back for an month. Didn't shared my contact details with them, just simply I didn't bother about it, but just my work. I called them only after I got emails from my worried friend that my family is really worried about  not being able to reach me.

Empathy, that was what I was missing. I could never put my foot on others shoes and think, I just had time for things in front of me and not for anything else.

I got married, my lack of empathy amplified the complications in my life. My poor wife (and poor me) had real tough time, I never got to see the world from her end.

It was just the beginning, then on I had live with my border family, my nuclear family, my wife's family. For the first time in my life I had to live in family. All in a sudden the expectation on me changed. Over the years, since I really suck at striking a personal discussion, talking tough things, reacting right, being empathetic and finally loosen up myself from being a 'MAN' always. I have complicated things and did enough relational damages.

If you are growing your kids to be good money making machines, get them into hostels. But if you want to equip them with essential living skills, which they need to posses to handle the hours of personal life (except those money making 8 hours) on a daily basis, better keep them with you and teach them the a good family life by living one in front of them.

Muse this for an another second before you gonna to ...

இஃதன்றோ தாலாட்டு

அன்நிசி தானாயுள் பாதியாயிருக்கும்
அன்பகல் நன்கண் மொய்த்த பாக்கல்
நல்நிசிக்கு தமிழ் சிந்தை வணிகத்திருந்தனன்
நன்தழுவி உறங்கிக் கிடந்தவள் அதையுணர்ந்தனள்
நெஞ்சில் மெதுதட்டி நனக்கு நிசிகொடுக்க அவள்யுத்தி
தமிழ் தோய்ந்து உறங்கா நின்றநன் புத்தி
செய்வதரியாப்பெண்டு , கடையாயுத மேந்தி
காமமுற்ற கலைப்பில் நினையாற்றி
கதிரவன் இள மொளிக் கீற்று
கண்ணரிக்கும் வரை ஆழ் தூக்கம் தந்தனள்

pleasant

Pintu was alone walking back to his home, singing a song in his mellow voice, swinging his water bottle to the rhythm of the song. He jumped and stopped whenever there was pause in the song. It was a nice evening. The road was wetted by the rain. Breeze of the stopped rain was still in the air. Those were some of the unconscious reason for his happiness. The real reason for his happiness is he don't have any homework that day, and no class test scheduled for the day next.

When he reached home, went running to his mother in kitchen and hugged her from back. The smell of his mother made feel warm, he always loved that. Even before she turned, her hands quickly probed through her kid's head, hands and back. Sensing they aren't wet her worry of would her kid get caught in the rain got lifted away. As she turned back, for her lips to reach her kid's cheeks, who was just her waist high she grounded her knees.

He happily announced that he doesn't have homework. After giving him a "wow, that's great", with a helpless authoritative tone, "Again, you had left the shoes in the floor, and not in its shelves". With a 'sorry mom', he ran back to fix the complaint. She walked into his room to leave his school bag. There, she quickly confirmed there were no traces of torn pages in his school diary, one of his old pranks to escape homework.

After munching some snacks and milk, he ran out to play with his dog. Before his mom realized and stepped out to warn him, his shirt and shorts had rain-mud footprints of his dog. She just smiled at that sight and enjoyed the scene of her kid joyfully playing with his dog.

The dog which was running to pick a ball he through, stopped all in a sudden at a place, started barking looking at the ground and smiled through his waving tail. Pintu ran to see what was it. Reaching the place, out of joy he started jumping and shouting to call his mother. She came running to the place. It was a seed that just emitted from the earths womb as a thin stem. The stem was crowned by a half open leaf, guarded by symmetrically placed pair of leaves, all in warm green. Its out of Pintu's first seed, so it is special.

The new born was put into a container to protect it from heavy rain and the container was left in the portico.

Next morning Pintu came running to the portico, as soon as he got out of bed, to see if the crowning leaf had opened fully. His mother didn't heard him for some moments, except the harsh barking of their dog from its cage. She walked to portico to find her kid standing there frozen. Standing right behind her kid she witnessed that the container was lying there turned upside down. The last night's heavy rain had even washed away all the sand without any traces around the container. Her hands ran thought his left shoulders and gently pressed his chest against her legs. He turned and hugged her legs. She quickly went to her knees and held his face, wiped the running tears and put it his head on her left shoulder and hugged him. She didn't know what words would console him.

"Hey, don't breakdown my baby, lets check it'll be lying somewhere here, it's not easy to take loved ones away from us", with those words she parted him and walked around the portico searching for it. And to clear a strong doubt she turned the container, gosh! the plant was there like a puppy caught in a bunker. She turned and smiled at him. He walked to her, held her face and gave her a heavy kiss on her cheek.

calling a call girl

"I need a kutti for tomorrow da macha", Asif shocked me. "I'm coming to your room tonight, will spend next two days in Chennai, find some contact by then", he hanged the call. Family guys like him make use of poor bachelor like me, finally their's wife we'll crib, "my hubby is innocent, his friend in Chennai spoils him, dirty minded bachelors". Yet Asif is one of those guys to whom we cannot say no, but this is too complicated.

I called another friend Manish, expert of 'those' matters,

Me: dai, I need 'that' number da

He: (causally)which number

Me: (felt too awkward to say it) for 'that' da. the lady's number you were telling the other day

He: oh! ooooooooooo. at last, welcome sir

Me: Hey its not for me, for a friend

He: hmmm, I know

Me: Believe me da

He: Okey, Okey. enjoy. note it

Me: Sir, come to my room tonight, you have to do the talking part

He: No probs, anything for you dear. Will fix a best one for you

Me: Whatever

Asif and Manish met in my room that night. Like two immortal souls trying to enlighten a mortal soul, they were advising me. Manish said, "dude, there is nothing wrong, this would clear all such thoughts from your head. So you can concentrate on your work even amid beauties". I was sitting there and wondering their arguments. Asif said, "You are not understanding, see me taking 'holiday' from family once in a year", turned to Manish and continued, "Boss, leave him, useless fellow, lets call her".

Manish dialed and talked, "hey, this is manish....[four dots replaces talk from other side of phone, please adjust] sorry, who is this....Oh fine, can you come tonight....tomorrow morning" he turns to Asif and gesturing with his head 'fine?'. Asif wages 'double ok' with his blissful head. Manish continues, "is absolutly fine, make it 9....hope you'll be as good as her, how about the payment....that's fine...."

When I was just wondering how would he do 'that' in the morning, Manish says in the phone,"a friend want's to talk to you" and thrust the phone between my face and palm. Just to put an "everything normal" act I struck a normal conversation, "Hi....i'm a software engg, and what do you do....", for such a question, not just the people around me laughed but even the phone speaker.

Manish was summarizing, "boss, I'll message her this room address, she'll come by 9'o clock, by evening pay her 2500". I got shock of my life, "Hey, not in my room, the house owner would through me out". Those guys didn't even felt my existence.

Next day early morning, Asif wakes me up, "dai, clean the room". In the early morning, binned all the used cloths peacefully sleeping all around the room, dismantled the spider settlements, painfully parted all the dust I had shared the room for months. At last Asif told, "the bathroom too da", loosing my patience, "dai, I don't even clean this much when my parents come here". Asif pleasingly shook his head, pushing me gently, "just this da macha". Locking myself into the bathroom, with murmuring curses in lips, I cleaned the bathroom.

I was sent out of the room by 8.30 and was expected back only by late evening.

When I came back to room by set of the night, he was fully drunk. He broke-out on seeing me, "macha, I'm hundred percentage black da, she is two hundred percentage black da. Did nothing, just gave money and sent her back. She was looking as bad as that unwashed toilet". Oops I never realized that my curse when I was cleaning the toilet would come true with the words accuracy.

The drinks kept him going, "I asked for Australia team to play with, but he fixed West Indies team to play with me. All my batting dreams, "That Manish should accept the responsibility and resign his job"(as if that was his profession).

I don't have a bull's eye

Lying in the bed on a sunday afternoon, having already done with movie in a theater, movie in laptop, enough FB, bored with a book, game of badminton, lunch and dinner with friends. Cannot think of something that I could do. All in a sudden I got a thought, "if i got nothing to do, why am i living".

That thought is a typical of mental instability of a mind taught to think in western culture. By "western culture", here I refer to questioning anything and everything. "why should i do this", "what is wrong with that". And the self had to be convinced to do or no to do anything and everything.

Indian culture on other hand stereotyped the life. We are assigned with expectation at every stage of of our life. As kid do study well, then get married, then do a good job to earn money, at last take care of your family. There is no room for questions here. We are trained enough that don't even know why should we even question this. There is nothing wrong in this culture, it keeps one busy feeding us, with enough challenge, fun, pain, happiness and most importantly a relation at any given point in time.

As a kid though I didn't liked most part of the education I forced myself to get through it with decent score, as it was projected to me that it is the only way life is supposed to be. Now me having stepped out of my home town, seen different people, I'm evolved to question and even stepped out of various aspects of the Indian culture's "stereotype". In the same time having my mind trained in that culture for about a quarter century, so that it feels disturbed about uncertainties, I'm immensely fearful about stepping out of the culture entirely.

In the current stage, i'm just doing things the makes me happy for that moment, without any long term goal or plan. In Indian culture this can be termed as being irresponsible (like my granny calls me).

hatred crippled

Thousand girls is what I would have seen in my life. Hundred is what I would've talked to. Five is what I enjoyed accompanying. Two is what I wished to live with. One is what I felt comfortable and told that. Ironically the coin wagged its tail when head was my call.

At least the automated voice took pity on me and told "the subscriber is not picking your call" whenever I called her thereafter. Wished for first time, that I could hate her.

One fine day "clients in her office let her to spare sometime for me", "her distant relative stopped visiting her letting her spare sometime for me", "her doctors told that she is fit enough to talk", "the Sunday mass stopped extending throughout the whole of Sunday". And the day before that fine day I told her "that's cake walk for me, I'll help you with that".

"see you later"'s turned to "watzup", "wishing safe journey"'s extended to "reached safely?", "miss u" & "had good time"'s surfaced.

Those fine days were like cream on the cold coffee, unexpected chocolate flakes on that cream, lava in Chocó lava, extended euphoria.

Amid a terrible question popped "why did she offered all these sweetness to the kid (yah, that's me) she had abandoned all these days". Wished for the second time, that I could hate her.

She said "I'll explain, but in person. Since over air emotions would be lost".

Met her. A day filled of a movie, a lunch, a beach walk and a coffee. Yet she ends the day with "not enough quality time in the day to explain why”. Yet I rejoiced over her other parting words “wish the day keeps going” and I meant and sounded back the same.

Logically the question mark is yet to be erased, but I’m crippled to hate her.

when I’m drunk

When I was drunk, I became what I liked to be.

In a conversation, when some comment or joke or funny incident stuck my mind, ‘normally*’ before I could finish thinking of “would it make sense to tell it here” the context of conversation changes, so I miss the timing badly and so I would remain silent. Eventually this would make me a dull listener in the group rather than an interesting contributor of the conversation. When ‘drunk’ the voicing of any thing stuck my mind replaced any thinking.

First time ever I was part of discussion with Roy “me talking”, in group of friends I cracked some jokes and everywhere I talked without any kind of fear (except that I would get a pink slip ;)).

Appreciating others, ‘normally*’ I won’t do it explicitly. My egos would not let me. The egos briefed.

• Would the person being appreciated think I’m trying impress or please them (I’m not able to find a appropriate word, help with a better word here).
• ‘Why should I appreciate now’, the lethargy. I can do it anytime in future. But the ‘anytime’ never comes.
• When it comes to girls, would they think I’m trying to flirt.

And when I was drunk :) :) none of this thought comes up to my head. I just walked to the person, sometimes pulled them aside, stopped others from interrupting us and told them what made me feel they are worthy humans.

Similarly when it comes to giving some feedback to someone, I mostly put a step back with the fear of how the person would take it. But when I was drunk, I pulled out the personals and talked to them. And I liked the way I put it across.

Being ‘normal*’ now, it’s a lie if I say “I don’t remember what I said when I was drunk”. Being drunk I didn’t walked to some random person and said some random things. I meant what I said to anyone.

All this makes me conclude, when I’m drunk I don’t think (or relatively very less thinking) before doing or saying anything. Hence exposing my inner self as such. Incidentally he turned out to be good guy ( as he is ;) ) though idiot as the ability to think was disabled.